Dyslexia, ADHD, and Introversion… Oh My!
A Stoic Perspective
Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. My PhD is in Computer Science, Data Science, AI/ML. What follows is my opinion and personal experience, and does not reflect any professional training on the topics presented. Further, my opinions are my own, and do not reflect the opinions of any employer or associates, nor do they apply to any professional activities.
If you were to meet me today, unless you were a highly skilled mental health professional, or you knew me very well, you would never be able to detect the controlled chaos in my head. You would dismiss me (or accept me) as an anomaly, a high-IQ (mathematically), obsessive, overachiever, and that’s probably all the thought you would give me. This is by design—my design. Truth is, I was born with a perfect storm of neurological circumstances; dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, extreme introversion, and an obsessive compulsive personality disorder, OCPD (not to be confused with OCD, they are different).
With that list of “issues,” by all conventional measures, I was doomed from birth (they are genetic). At age 3-4 I was placed in a “special” day care because I had almost zero development in any conventional sense. At age 6, I was shipped off to Greece (from the US) to live with grandparents in the hopes another environment and language would be better for me. At age 9, back in the US, my parents were told I was “retarded,” and would never read or write past a 5th grade level. Yes, they said “retarded,” because it was the 70s, and that’s the way people talked. In high school I was told by the “guidance counselor” (a misnomer if there ever was one), I needed to find a “trade” and forget college (“trade” was code for manual labor). In 11th grade, my parents were told I probably would not graduate, and as it turns out, they were correct, I flunked out of my senior year (I couldn’t pass English).
By most accounts, my life up to about age 21 was not good; however, there were bright spots; events and people who planted seeds of strength and discipline which would eventually take root. The first was my 6th grade teacher. Although my work was horrible, he would pull me aside and show me where my work had promise, and point out where I saw things differently than others. He told me, that is where my power resides; “You don’t see things like other people, and that’s good. It means you will be able to understand and do things others will never be able to do.” I still remember his name, Mr. Mikoz; the only teacher’s name I remember.
“To help another man use his reason rightly is to perform the greatest service one human can offer another.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6 (thank you Mr. Mikoz)
The other person who helped put me on my right path, my martial arts master. At age 14, I enrolled myself in martial arts (against my parents wishes, and without their support). Master Buzzanco was absolutely ruthless and brutal. This was way before strip-mall martial arts, martial arts franchises, and so-called martial arts “organizations.” Master Buzzanco was a Vietnam vet, a construction and factory worker, who trained old-school fighters in militaristic style personal combat. He was mixed martial arts before the term was coined. I started at 14 and I was horrible. I didn’t know left from right, could pay attention long enough to learn anything, and literally couldn’t do a single pull-up or push-up. I had my ass handed to me so many times in the first few years, I don’t know how I survived. In the first few years, I had my nose broken three times, two dislocated ribs, a torn ligament in my right knee, and one confirmed concussion (I suspect there were more unconfirmed). I don’t remember how many times I was knocked-out because I was unconscious—a lot.
No matter how bad I was, Master Buzzanco was right there with me; “Get up! Get off your ass and fight! You have it in you! Stop being weak! Do it! Fight!” About a year into training, he pulled me aside, and he told me, “You’re fighting all wrong. You’re trying to be Bruce Lee, fast and light. You’re too tall, too stupid, and too clumsy to be Bruce Lee.” He continued, “You will never be fast. You need to be a monster, so big, so strong, you don’t even need to aim, whatever you hit you crush.” He invited me to supplemental weight lifting classes, and we began my 6-day/week training, which continued for the next 5 years unbroken. I went from 6’, 160 lb (183 cm, 72 kg) of clumsy, gangly, awkward skin-and-bones, to 6’4, 240 lb (193 cm, 109 kg) of pure terror; a second degree black belt, with a 405 lb (184 kg) bench press, 500 lb (227 kg) squat, and 650 lb (295 kg) deadlift, and I could do a full split. I went from not being able to do one push-up or pull-up to being able to do 250 push-ups in 5 minutes, and 27 wide grip pull-ups in a row (at 240 lb). But I was still academically lost, and for that matter, completely lost in every other regard; it showed, and I suffered for it.
“You take such care training your body, look at your exercises, your discipline, your food. But what of your reason? Have you trained your judgment? Have you exercised your will? You have become a fine beast, but are you a rational being?”—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.1
What these two stories have in common is one thing, in each case, a teacher told me; “Yes, you are different, you don’t fit in, you’re not normal, but that’s not just okay, it is powerful. You have all the power you need; all you have to is harness it.”
It wasn’t until about age 20 I finally started to understand that message. Fast-forward a few years later; two bachelors degrees (finance and economics). A few more years later, a master’s degree in computer science. Finally, a PhD in computer science. In each one, I graduated Summa Cum Laude, first in my class. Further, I went from barely being able to read and write English to being bilingual (English and Greek), and I’m a published researcher and author in artificial intelligence and machine learning. To this day, over three decades later, I still train martial arts, lift, read, write, study—daily—and let nothing slide. So the question becomes, “How? Against all odds, how!?” The answer is because it wasn’t against the odds, it was against conventional thinking, and that is what this is about. The odds were actually in my favor all along. All I needed to do was change my thinking and my perceptions.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.36
“Impressions come to us of themselves. Assent is in our power.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.8
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.3
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.20
Dyslexia, introversion, and ADHD are not disabilities; they are superpowers. I have abilities and accomplishments not one in 100,000 people have, not despite those circumstances, but because of them. The obstacle is the way.
Dyslexia and dysgraphia are nothing more than seeing things differently. If left unfocused and undisciplined, yes, they become disabilities. However, they are not inherently disabilities, they are a just circumstance, and it is up to me how I see and use that circumstance. Properly focused and harnessed, dyslexia and dysgraphia allow me to see things the average person cannot. Where the average person sees a straight line, a single sentence to be read left to right, or a single path; I see a multifaceted gem, which I can turn and look through in any direction I choose. Where other people see one-dimension, one direction, one path, I see options. I can process information backwards as fast as forward, and much faster in any direction than so-called “normal.”
ADHD, properly harnessed, is another superpower, in the extreme, and is my greatest asset. Unfocused and unharnessed, ADHD prevents focus and attention to detail, but oddly, it also includes the occasional need to hyper-focus. This hyper-focus is so intense it causes the loss of external awareness and is difficult to detach, while at the same time, even simple tasks are impossible from lack of focus. If left as is, ADHD is a liability. Focused, harnessed, and disciplined, ADHD becomes an incredibly powerful asset. This is accomplished by realizing ADHD is just a set of tools. Don’t see it as “inability to focus,” but rather see it as the ability to detach quickly, and to multitask, and then train those abilities. Don’t see hyper-focus as being uncontrollably lost in the depths of an activity, but rather use hyper-focus as a tool on command to focus at will on any activity. In the places where focus is needed, command forth the hyper-focus ability. Where quick thinking and multitasking is needed, command forth the ability to detach quickly. For 5 years straight, I used this ability to simultaneously work full-time, while earning a PhD full-time, consulting part-time, and raising a 5-10 year old (during a pandemic and homeschooling), and I never gave up my workouts or martial arts training. Controlled and disciplined ADHD is a superpower and it works.
Introversion is not a liability, not if properly directed and controlled. While introverts have a difficult time in social situations, crowds, unfamiliar situations, and do not like noise and chaos, they also are hyper-aware of their surroundings and highly analytical. When trained, introverts can read a person and a room with incredible speed and accuracy. Introverts naturally and expertly analyze, and have the ability to run multiple mental scenarios, in real time, in any situation and with profound insights. Again, the so-called “downsides” of introversion can be controlled, focused, and disciplined. The introvert can train to handle social situations, crowds, and noise, while at the same time, exploiting their natural abilities to assess, analyze, and read people and circumstances. The key is the introvert must learn not to judge, but to assess purely analytically, and the key to that is to control the introvert’s overdeveloped fight or flight response. Learn to detach the fight or flight response, and introversion becomes another superpower (there is an outstanding book on this subject, The Introvert Advantage).
In my introduction, I also mentioned OCPD, the details of which are unimportant, but the effect of which is very important. The effect of that particular circumstance is bouts of extreme, at times debilitating, anxiety and fixation on the object of compulsion. However, what is anxiety and compulsion at a base level? Energy. That’s all those things are, they are just energy. It’s our perceptions and the application of energy to feelings which give the energy context. If left unchecked, OCPD is a raging fire which will burn you alive. Conversely, harnessed, contained, and focused, it becomes an engine of inexhaustible power. That process is long and involved, and is beyond the scope of this writing, so I will just say this; anyone who knows me is continuously astounded at my energy level and the amount I can accomplish. Why? Because I am walking, talking, anxiety disorder harnessed and disciplined for productivity. I don’t let OCPD control me, I have turned it into a personal fusion reactor powering my life for the better. No, it is not easy, nor is it without “bad days,” but there are far more good than bad—if you’re strong enough.
“Everything that happens is either an obstacle or raw material—depending on your perception.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.35
“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it—so too can the rational soul convert every difficulty into fuel for its purpose.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.35 (expanded)
“Difficulties are things that show a person who they are.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.24
“Illness is a training ground for patience. Use it.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6
“Misfortune is virtue’s opportunity.”—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 67.4
Now For The Hard Part…
… and you’re probably not going to like it—tough.
All this comes down to this, if you are in one or more of the circumstances described here, STOP BUYING INTO THE IDEA YOU HAVE DISABILITIES. Stop talking about yourself as “neurodivergent.” Stop accepting accommodations. Stop asking for special treatment. Stop letting anyone make accommodations for you. Never, and I mean NEVER, allow anyone to talk about you as lessor or in need of special treatment for your so-called “disability.” You have superpowers—act like it. If you are suffering from any of these circumstances, that’s on you, and you need to change your mindset, and your outlook. Stop looking at these things as disabilities that make you “special.” You are not special, and neither are these circumstances. Everyone bears burdens. Grow up and stop thinking your burdens are more than anyone else’s. They aren’t. Yours just got hijacked, labeled, and glorified by people who want an excuse for failure. These labels are now worn as some kind of twisted badges of pride—disgraceful. You need to realize that mentality is not elevating you, it’s robbing you of your power. Take your power back—now. The first step is to stop saying, “I can’t because…” and start saying, “Given my circumstances, how will advance and succeed?”
“You must say to every harsh circumstance: 'You are precisely what I was looking for. You are training for the soul. You are what I was made to face.’”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6
Next step, if you share any of these circumstances with me, you must come to terms with the fact that so-called accommodations do not help you, they keep you down. They train you to see yourself as lessor, dependent, and they teach learned helplessness. Referring to yourself as “neurodivergent” is just another way of asking for accommodation and making pre-excuses for future failure. Whether you admit it or not, the reason you use that word is so other people excuse your faults. You use it as a loophole. Stop it.
No one needs to know anything about you except what you can do. So stop talking, and show them. In 50+ years on this planet, I have never brought up any of this, or asked for an accommodation, or excused my behavior because I have “issues.” I only write about it now for two reasons; 1) I have come out the other side, and maybe I can help someone else not spend 40 years figuring it out alone; 2) I know someone who needs to hear it, and I’m writing for him. Otherwise, you’d never hear any of this from me. It will be a cold day in hell before I refer to myself as “neurodivergent.” My neurons are just fine the way they are, and I don’t make excuses for them, I use them.
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”—Epictetus, Enchiridion, 46
Stop being a victim. Stop seeing the world as needing to adjust to you. It doesn’t and it won’t. Stop seeing other people as having to give you a pass or having to excuse you. Here is the reality, people love giving you accommodations and coddling you because on some level, they know this controls you and keeps you in place. On some level, people know you are a sleeping giant, and they want to keep you that way, unaware and unrealized. They know, even if only subconsciously, if they stress you, or push you, you might figure out you have power. That’s the last thing they want. Is that how you will spend your life? Conforming to everyone else’s expectation of your packaged, branded, and labeled “disorder,” or do you rise and show them what you can do? Your choice.
These are my choices:
Dyslexia is not a disability. I can read and process information in any order, including learning languages where word order is opposite of English because word order is not relevant to me. I can read and write faster and better than average (by far) because I see past the words to the meanings. I am not held back by rigid structures, not in words or in life. Thank you, dyslexia.
ADHD is not a disability. I can multitask expertly, and I can turn focus and detachment on and off like a light switch. I spent three months straight studying for my PhD comprehensive exam, reading and memorizing 20 PhD level research papers. I passed that test, tied with the highest score ever in the department. Don’t ever tell me I can’t focus. Thank you, ADHD.
Introversion is not a disability. I use strategy and tactics like a field general, and can read a room, a person, and threats like I was born to it because I was. Thank you, introversion, you’re my favorite.
OCPD is not a disability. My demon and I have an understanding now. I am sovereign, it is subordinate, and it serves my needs, not the other way around—ever. I’m not thanking this one, we’ve just learned to live with each other, and we’ll leave it at that.
What this all comes down to is one simply life philosophy. No one tells me who I am, or what I can or can’t do. No one labels me. I will decide who I am, and what I will or won’t do.
What will you do?
If you want to continue with your circumstances as a victim, making excuses, that’s on you. If you want a different approach, then discipline and focus is the answer. The key to those is to change your mindset and use progressive resistance. Follow these steps:
Stop making excuses. Stop referring to yourself as “neurodivergent.” Stop letting others categorize and label you.
Stop seeing any of these things as a disability. They are nothing more than your circumstances. They have no good or bad quality in and of themselves. You assign meaning, and now you will assign the meaning, “I have superpowers.”
If you can handle it, immediately stop accepting accommodations. Don’t ask for them, don’t accept them. You are not inferior and in need of accommodations. You are superior—start acting like it.
If you cannot handle that yet, that’s fine. Instead, begin a mental training regime to escape the accommodation trap. Start with your accommodations as they are now. In each activity, work to beat the accommodation, little by little, lower the need and raise the bar. If you require twice as much time as someone else needs to accomplish some task, take the 2x time, but use only 1.75x. Restrict yourself to a little less—strictly. When you are comfortable at 1.75, reduce it to 1.5. Develop the thought processes and insights you require at each level to reduce the time little by little, until you require less time than anyone else. Trust me, you can do it.
In every activity, and every endeavor, stop and ask yourself, “How do my circumstances and abilities make me more powerful here?” I promise you, there is always an answer to that question—you just have to find it. No circumstances are good or bad, or an asset or a liability, they are only what you choose to make them. If you cannot focus, multitask! Don’t do one thing at a time, do three, and focus round-about in small bites. As you go, take bigger and bigger bites, focussing longer and longer until you can reduce the tasks and focus on one task for as long as you decide.
Start seeing discipline and focus as the fire which burns and will reforge you. Start small. Make a promise to yourself to overcome one small thing holding you back. Keep your promise. When you’re good at that, make bigger promises to yourself. Keep them. Continue. See yourself as being slowly reforged, tempered, and sharpened in the fire of discipline. It takes time, but that doesn’t matter, it only matters you do it, slowly, day-by-day.
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid by those who don’t understand, and let your example prove your strength.”—Epictetus, Enchiridion, 13 (paraphrased)
These circumstances are not easy for anyone. Not me, not you. They are brutal and painful. But that’s the way power works. If left unchecked, it will destroy you. Controlled, disciplined, and focused, it will turn you into a superhero. Stop seeing yourself as disadvantaged, lessor, and weaker. You are not. See yourself as you truly are, lucky—if you are strong enough.
Incredible. You get more interesting by the post. Empowering stuff brother. Anything can be framed as beneficial or detrimental. Work can always be done to make a positive out of a perceptually negative. Good thing we have awesome examples like yourself to provide proof.