Never explain yourself. If you’re living a virtuous life, you don’t need to explain anything. There are only two reasons you ever need to explain yourself: 1) you’re doing something wrong; 2) you don’t command respect.
This does not mean do not teach. We must explain as we teach (I’m doing it right now), but that is a different context of the word. In this sense, when we say “explain,” we mean justify, which is to say, never justify yourself. If you are living virtuously and you command respect, you don’t need to explain or justify—ever. If you need to explain to justify, there is your task—live with virtue and earn your respect—then do not explain yourself.
Stoicism, especially strategic Stoicism, relentlessly favors action over explanation and embodiment over rhetoric. A Stoic does not explain who they are; they demonstrate it. A Stoic lives with such clarity, discipline, and purpose that words become unnecessary.
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.16
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”—Epictetus, Enchiridion, 50
“Show what you have learned by how you act, not how you speak.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 2.23
“Philosophy teaches us to act, not to speak.”—Seneca, Letters, 95
Recognize the pre-explanation as weakness in action. Look at any social media post beginning with “unpopular opinion” or “I don’t know who needs to hear this but…” and you are observing weakness in action. Those pre-explanations demonstrate the words that follow are likely hollow, weak, and cannot bear their own weight. If they could, you wouldn’t need to preempt them with explanations about them. Observe the manager or executive who must justify their actions before they commit them: “We’re doing well, but…” “I know a lot of you have obligations this weekend, and I sympathize, but…” Carefully listen to a friend or partner: “It’s not you, it’s me, so I just think…” “I’d love to help, but…” “I love so-and-so to death, but…”
Everything before the ‘but’ is bullshit, and what follows is likely a lie.
Similarly, recognize post-explanation as cowardice in action. In that case, someone has already said or done what they must have thought was right at the time, but now they’re feeling unsure, so they backtrack to see if they can post-justify their words and actions. If you believe you did what was right, and if your character carries respect, no explanation is needed. Let your previous actions and your character carry the weight of your current words and actions. If your character cannot bear that weight, then there is your task—improve your character and earn your respect.
If you ever feel you must explain yourself to justify words or actions, stop, assess, and ask yourself why. If the reason you must explain yourself is weakness, incorrect behavior, unethical actions, or living an unvirtuous life, then you must first correct yourself. If the reason you must explain is you do not command respect, again, you must correct yourself. In both cases, still do not explain but rather withdraw. Withdraw to correct, learn, and realign yourself virtuously and to begin the process of earning respect through action, not words. When you have done this, then re-engage, but still, do not explain yourself. Now, your actions speak, and words are not needed.
Stoicism has no tolerance for self-justification, self-explanation, or appeals for validation. A Stoic earns respect not through argument, but through unwavering conduct. They demand nothing from others but command admiration through discipline, silence, and consistency.
“Let deeds match words, or let words be silent.”—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 20
“A good character, once established, defends itself.”—Seneca, Letters, 76
“A man should be upright, not kept upright.”—Quoted by Marcus, Meditations, 3.5 (originally from Seneca)
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