The Lie
The biggest lie being pushed by false Stoicism today is the “you do you” philosophy, which tells us, “Do not compare yourself to others; only compare yourself to yourself.” This is unequivocally false Stoicism and in no way represents the ideals of the founding Stoics. “You do you” is a message born of modern pop psychology and feel-good philosophy and is in no way Stoic. “You do you” is the self-centered, relativistic embrace of whatever pleases the self, devoid of objective virtue. “Never compare yourself to others” is the blanket dismissal of all external reference, even noble models and ethical mirrors.
Both concepts are anti-Stoic.
“Cherish some man of high character, and keep him ever before your eyes, living as if he were watching you, and ordering all your actions as if he beheld them.”
—Epicurus, quoted by Seneca in Letters to Lucilius, 11.8, trans. Richard M. Gummere
“Choose a master whose life, conversation, and soul-expressing face have satisfied you; picture him always to yourself as your protector or your pattern.”
—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 11.10, trans. Richard M. Gummere
“Good men are mutually helpful; for each gives practice to the other’s virtues and thus maintains wisdom at its proper level. Each needs someone with whom he may make comparisons and investigations.”
—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 109.1–2, trans. Richard M. Gummere
“What would Hercules have been if there had not been such a lion, and hydra, and stag, and boar, and certain unjust and bestial men, whom Hercules used to drive away and clear out?”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6, trans. George Long
The Stoics would see both “you do you” and “do not compare yourself to others” as abdications of reason, misunderstandings of selfhood, and ultimately philosophies of weakness. “You do you” implies personal impulse is sovereign, all choices are valid if “authentic,” ethics are subjective, and pleasure and expression are ends in themselves. These are the antithesis of Stoic discipline. “You do you” is slavery to internal whims. The Stoic aims to rule the self, not to worship it.
If those “you do you” messages have value for you and you want to follow them, great—enjoy—but stop pretending you’re Stoic; you are not. Examination, both internally and externally, is a fundamental core Stoic principle. As Stoics, we must never give in to the idea we can simply live in a personal bubble, oblivious to the world around us, never comparing.
The Truth
The Stoic does not “do what feels right.” They do what is in accord with logos, reason, and virtue, even against their inclinations.
“If it is not right, do not do it: if it is not true, do not say it.”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.17, trans. George Long“Whenever you wish to know what should be avoided or what should be sought, look to the supreme good, the goal set before your whole life. For whatever we do ought to agree with that.”
—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 71.2
A person who refuses every comparison eventually becomes their own evidence. They define the standard, judge themselves by it, and declare themselves satisfactory. That is not independence. It is a closed epistemic loop. It is intellectual inbreeding.
For example, a man is badly out of shape. He cannot walk several kilometers comfortably, climb a few flights of stairs without becoming winded, or perform ordinary physical tasks expected of a healthy man his age. But he refuses comparison. Other men are irrelevant. Fitness standards are arbitrary. Everyone is different. He is comfortable with himself, and that is enough.
But his satisfaction tells him nothing about his condition. Other men his age demonstrate what is possible. Medical and fitness standards provide evidence. His own inability to perform ordinary physical tasks provides evidence. None of these comparisons determine his moral worth, but they tell him something about reality.
By refusing them, he has constructed a perfect defense against correction: I decide that I am fine. I reject every standard by which “fine” might be tested. Therefore, nothing can prove that I am not fine.
This is the trap hidden inside “you do you.” Self-acceptance becomes self-exemption. The individual no longer has to determine whether he is capable, disciplined, knowledgeable, competent, or improving. He needs only declare himself satisfied.
The Stoic does not compare himself to others to determine his worth. He compares himself to reality to discover where he is deficient.
We must compare and judge rightly. Without just comparison internally and externally, we cannot make informed choices.
It does not matter if it’s fitness and health, intellectual advancement, professional attainment, philosophical awareness, or anything else; we must face the externals and calibrate against them. Imagine the company that fails to assess the competition and just “does its thing.” Imagine the army that fails to study the enemy. How about the scientist who fails to study any previous work and just “does their thing”? Do you want a physician who cares nothing for the current medical standards because, “Hey, you do you, and I’ll do me!”
“He who knows the terrain and the weather will be victorious.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 10
“Victory is not in strength, but in understanding.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 10, Terrain
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 3
Suppose you want a career that requires a degree, but you spent your 20s just “doing you,” and you would rather not get a degree because you don’t compare yourself to others and external metrics, and you’re above all that. Well, everyone else did compare, and you lose—sucks to be you.
Suppose you want to be an NBA player, and you’re 5’2”. Try explaining to the recruiters that when you were five years old, you used to be 2’6”, and now you are twice as big as you used to be! Comparing only to yourself, you’re a giant now. Where’s your NBA contract?
Imagine being under physical threat from someone who outweighs you by 70 pounds (32 kg) and is three times your strength, but hey, a month ago, you could only do one push-up, and now you can do two. You are twice as strong as you used to be, and measuring against yourself, that’s a 100% improvement! You’re a beast. So sure, you can probably take that guy who can bench press a car. Good luck.
The absurdity of “you do you” and “do not compare” has no place in a stoic’s life.
The Seduction
The “you do you” philosophy is seductive because it is easy, and worse, it can be made to sound Stoic. On the surface, the argument seems simple: Stoicism teaches indifference to externals, so other people’s judgments, social standards, and conventional norms should simply be ignored. But that misunderstands the Stoic category of ἀδιάφορα. Externals are “indifferent” not because they are unworthy of attention, but because they are neither morally good nor bad in themselves. Health, wealth, reputation, status, physical ability, and the judgments of others do not determine virtue. That does not make them irrelevant. They remain facts, circumstances, evidence, and material for judgment.
The Stoic response is not to dismiss an external standard merely because it is external, but to examine it rationally: Is it true? Is it useful? Does it reveal a deficiency? Does it reflect a legitimate human, social, professional, or physical standard? Does responding to it accord with wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance? Only then is judgment warranted. Stoic indifference is not refusal to examine externals. It is refusal to let externals determine moral worth. You do not escape judgment by calling the evidence external. You examine it, judge it properly, and then decide what virtue requires.
“Choose a master whose life, conversation, and soul-expressing face have satisfied you; picture him always to yourself as your protector or your pattern.”
—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 11.10, trans. Richard M. Gummere“For we must indeed have someone according to whom we may regulate our characters; you can never straighten that which is crooked unless you use a ruler.”
—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 11.10, trans. Richard M. Gummere
To properly calibrate and constantly recalibrate, yes, we must look inside ourselves and compare ourselves to who we were yesterday, who we are today, and who we wish to be tomorrow. However, we must also compare to the outside world and ask, how do I compare? Am I serving properly and virtuously? Are my duties to others being fulfilled? Are there those from whom I can learn? Are there standards being set that have value to me or at least have information I can use? The reason it is so easy to dismiss the second part, the external comparison, is because it is easy to confuse calibration with conformity.
We are told by pop-psychology “philosophers” and self-help gurus that if you calibrate against another person or external standard, you are conforming. That’s their hook and their seduction. They give you a reason to eliminate the hard part of self-improvement, comparison, just so you can feel good fast, and they can sell another book or push a social media account. They eliminate the part where you have to face the world and both judge and be judged.
Furthermore, they easily convince you of their way because they hide the truth in a lie. It’s easy to fall for this because they are half right; conformity in and of itself is unvirtuous, and the judgment of the masses is usually incorrect. However, calibration is not conformity, and that is the lie. The Stoic does not conform, but we do calibrate—both internally and externally—virtuously and with courage.
The Stoic Way
The Stoic way is the hard way. The easiest way to recognize false Stoicism is that it is easy. If it’s simplistic, so-called “self-empowering” quotes and pithy “advice” without context and advice without practical examples and application, then it is not Stoicism; it is modern self-help nonsense.
Modern self-help doctrine tells us comparison is toxic. It says everyone is on their path, and you should focus only on your truth. Sounds good. It’s not. The Stoics tell us, yes, you must compare, but there is a big catch—you must do it Stoically and virtuously.
Do not compare for envy, jealousy, vanity, or status. Do not compare to resent or despair. Do not compare with emotional content, but rather compare only with reason and logic to serve virtue. Do not refuse comparison to excuse mediocrity.
Compare self-measure against virtue, personal excellence, and calibration. Compare yourself to the virtuous. Compare to improve. Compare to calibrate against standards of excellence.
Comparison, when used for self-correction rather than vanity, is essential to Stoic development. But comparison requires judgment. You cannot compare yourself to the virtuous without first judging what virtue looks like, who embodies it, and where you fall short. Stoicism does not forbid judgment; it disciplines it. The requirement is that judgment be rational, just, and governed by virtue rather than envy, resentment, pride, anger, or social pressure. The Stoic does not assume that every opinion is equally sound, every standard equally worthy, or every way of living equally consistent with virtue. He evaluates claims, conduct, character, and standards according to reason. Comparison is therefore not a suspension of Stoic principles. Properly used, it is one of the ways those principles are applied.
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.23.1“No one can be styled happy who is beyond the influence of truth: and consequently a happy life is unchangeable, and is founded upon a true and trustworthy discernment.”
—Seneca, On the Happy Life (De Vita Beata), 5
For the Stoic, comparison is calibration—nothing more. It is a tool for testing judgment, conduct, capability, and progress. That calibration can be external or internal, and both matter. Compare only externally, and you risk becoming dependent on approval, status, reputation, or imitation. Compare only internally, and you risk creating a closed standard in which you define the measure, judge yourself by it, and then declare yourself sufficient. The first makes you a servant of externals. The second makes you insulated from correction. The Stoic uses both: external comparison to test himself against reality, worthy exemplars, legitimate standards, and the demands of his roles; and internal comparison to measure whether his own judgments and conduct are improving over time.
The point is not to become like others or to congratulate yourself for being yourself. The point is to judge accurately, correct what is deficient, and bring yourself into better alignment with reason and virtue.
“If we read what is said about duty, in order that, remembering the relations, we may do nothing irrationally nor contrary to these relations … we should be satisfied with doing the acts which are conformable.”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 4.1, trans. George Long