“You Do You”—False Stoicism
A Stoic Perspective on External Comparison And Evaluation
The Lie
The biggest lie being pushed by false Stoicism today is the “you do you” philosophy, which tells us, “do not compare yourself to others, only compare yourself to yourself.” This is unequivocally false Stoicism and in no way represents the ideals of the founding Stoics. “You do you” is a message born of modern pop-psychology “feel good” philosophy, and is in no way Stoic. “You do you” is the self-centered, relativistic embrace of whatever pleases the self, devoid of objective virtue. “Never compare yourself to others” is the blanket dismissal of all external reference, even noble models and ethical mirrors. Both concepts are anti-Stoic.
“Choose someone whose way of life, words, and habits please you—and keep that person before your eyes, as a model. Live as if he were watching.”—Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, 11.8
“It is useful to see a man who is what you are not—more disciplined, more just, more rational. Not to hate him, but to measure your distance.”—Seneca, paraphrased from Letters, 52
“Other people’s faults are like a training ground for your patience and reason. If they are unjust, be just. If they lie, be truthful. Their vice does not excuse yours.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6
The Stoics would see both “you do you” and “do not compare yourself to others” as abdications of reason, misunderstandings of selfhood, and ultimately philosophies of weakness. “You do you” implies personal impulse is sovereign, all choices are valid if “authentic,” ethics are subjective, and pleasure and expression are ends in themselves. These are the antithesis of Stoic discipline. “You do you” is slavery to internal whims. The Stoic aims to rule the self, not to worship it.
If those “you do you” messages have value for you, and you want to follow them, great—enjoy—but stop pretending you’re Stoic, you are not. Examination, both internally and externally, is a fundamental core Stoic principle. As Stoics, we must never give into the idea we can simply live in a personal bubble, oblivious to the world around us, never comparing.
The Truth
The Stoic does not “do what feels right.” They do what is in accord with logos, reason, and virtue, even against their own inclinations.
“If it is not right, do not do it. If it is not true, do not say it.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.17
“What you want is irrelevant. What is required of you, that is the question.”—Seneca, Letters 71
When you refuse to compare yourself to others, to society, to norms, what you are doing is living in ignorance. Your thoughts become inbred, and you are creating a self-defining loop of self-satisfaction. A simple example: you look in the mirror, you’re 10 pounds (4.5 kg) overweight, so you affirm, “it’s okay, I like me, I don’t need to lose weight to conform to society’s image of health and beauty.” Maybe this is virtuous, maybe it is not; time will tell. A year later, it’s 20 pounds (9 kg), and you double down, “I like me, no one else’s opinion or standards mean anything.” Ten years later, you’re obese, and you’re still telling yourself, “I still like me!” No, you don’t. You know deep down, you’ve sacrificed your health, your life, and the people who care about you for your weakness. Worse yet, you reinforce your simple-minded, selfish “I do me” philosophy by seeking others who tell you that you are doing the right thing. You have bought into a toxic body-positivity culture, and not only have you inbred your thoughts, but you’re also a hypocrite because you are not just “doing you;” you’re doing the easy thing while also using those who agree with you as justification. You’re not just “doing you.” You’re just doing what is easy.
“A strong soul dwells in a strong body. Train both.”—Seneca, paraphrased from Letters, 15
“Philosophy demands a healthy mind in a sound body.”—Seneca, Letters, 15
This simple example of a body-positivity position, when used in conjunction with health, fitness, and right judgment, is Stoic and virtuous. Conversely, when body-positivity is used to excuse obesity, gluttony, and self-indulgence, it is neither virtuous nor Stoic. Therein lies the key, and we must compare and judge rightly. Without just comparison internally and externally, we cannot make informed choices.
It does not matter if it’s fitness and health, intellectual advancement, professional attainment, philosophical awareness, or anything else, we must face the externals and calibrate against them. Imagine the company who fails to assess the competition, and just “does its thing.” Imagine the army that fails to study the enemy. How about the scientist who fails to study any previous work and just “does their thing.” Do you want a physician who cares nothing for the current medical standards because, “hey, you do you, and I’ll do me!”
“He who knows the terrain and the weather will be victorious.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 10
“Victory is not in strength, but in understanding.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 10, Terrain
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”—Sun Tzu, The Art of War, Chapter 3
Suppose you want a career which requires a degree, but you spent your 20s just “doing you,” and you didn’t want to get a degree because you don’t compare yourself to others and external metrics, and you’re “above all that.” Well, everyone else did compare, and you lose—sucks to be you. You want to be an NBA player, and you’re 5’2. Try explaining to the recruiters that you remember when you were five you were only 2’6, and now are twice as big as you used to be! Comparing only to yourself, you’re a giant now. So, where’s your NBA contract? Imagine being under physical threat from someone who outweighs you by 70 pounds (32 kg) and is three times your strength, but hey, a month ago, you could only do one push-up, and now you can do two. You are twice as strong as you used to be, and measuring against yourself, that’s a 100% improvement! You’re a beast! So sure, you can probably take that guy who can bench press a car. Good luck.
The absurdity of “you do you” and “do not compare” is a modern weakness and has no place in a Stoic’s life.
The Seduction
The “you do you” philosophy is seductive is because it’s easy, and worse yet, it seems virtuous. It is easy to frame it Stoically, on the surface, because a core Stoic principle is to be indifferent to externals. The problem, however, is the in word “indifferent.” The word “indifferent” is a modern translation of the Greek word, ἀδιάφορα—“not of difference.” This word does not mean to be “indifferent” in the modern definition, i.e., to be unconcerned. It means to “not treat as different” or “without difference.” In other words, being indifferent to externals means treating externals no differently than you treat internals; treat both with logic, reason, and fair and just judgment. It means to validate and judge both the internal and external critically, and to hold both accountable to virtue. You are not simply supposed to walk away and dismiss all external standards, you are to examine them, carefully and critically, judge them rightly and virtuously, and then decide what to do with them. In other words, you treat externals the same as your internals, with the Stoic principle of ἀδιάφορα. This may indeed mean you become indifferent (i.e., unconcerned), but not util after comparison and judgment according to virtue and reason.
The false or ignorant Stoic has somehow decided that internals are inherently virtuous, and externals are not. They are biased to believe what is in us is inherently good, and what is outside is “bad.” So they turn inward and idolize the “you do you” philosophy. The classic Stoics never advocated such things. What they said was, if virtue is to be found, it is within us, not external to us; however, at the same time, we must calibrate against both the internal and the external to ensure we are behaving rightly, and justly.
“Choose someone as a model whose life, speech, and face have won your approval, always have him before your eyes.”—Seneca, Letters 11
“We need someone against whom to measure our character. Without a ruler, you can’t straighten what is crooked.”—Seneca, Letters 11
To properly calibrate and constantly recalibrate, yes, we must look inside ourselves and compare ourselves to who were we yesterday, who are we today, who we wish to be tomorrow. However, we must also compare to the outside world and ask, how do I compare? Am I serving properly and virtuously? Are my duties to others being fulfilled? Are there those from whom I can learn? Are there standards being set which have value to me, or at least have information I can use? The reason it is so easy to dismiss the second part, the external comparison, is because it is easy to confuse calibration with conformity.
We are told by pop-psychology “philosophers” and self-help gurus that if you calibrate against another person or external standard, you are conforming. That’s their hook, and their seduction. They give you a reason to eliminate the hard part of self-improvement, comparison, just so you can “feel good” fast, and they can sell another book or push a social media account. They eliminate the part where you have to face the world and both judge and be judged. They easily convince you of their way because they hide the truth in a lie. It’s easy to fall for this because they are half right; conformity in-and-of-itself is unvirtuous, and the judgment of the masses is usually incorrect. However, calibration is not conformity, and that is the lie. The Stoic does not conform, but we do calibrate—both internally and externally—virtuously and with courage.
The Stoic Way
The Stoic way is the hard way. The easiest way to recognize false Stoicism is that it is easy. If it’s simplistic “self-empowering” quotes, and pithy “advice” without context, and advice without practical examples and application, then it is not Stoicism; it is modern self-help nonsense. Modern self-help doctrine tells us comparison is toxic. It says everyone is on their own path, and you should focus only on your own truth. Sounds good. It’s not. The Stoics tell us, yes, you must compare, but there is a big catch—you must do it Stoically, and virtuously.
Never compare for envy, jealousy, vanity, or status. Never compare to resent or despair. Do not compare with emotional content, but rather compare only with reason and logic to serve virtue. Never refuse comparison to excuse mediocrity.
Always compare for self-measure against virtue, personal excellence, and calibration. Compare yourself to the virtuous. Compare to improve. Compare to calibrate against standards of excellence.
Comparison, when used to inspire self-discipline, is essential to Stoic development. Which, in turn, brings up another core Stoic ideal also disparaged in the modern self-help era; to compare, you must also judge. Judgment is a core Stoic principle, but again, there is a catch. You must judge rightly, justly, virtuously, and without emotional content. If we say, “compare yourself to the virtuous,” you must of course first judge who is and is not virtuous. This is perfectly Stoic, but if-and-only-if done under reason, logic, and Stoic restraint in accordance with Stoic logos and virtue. No, the Stoic does not believe “everyone is okay and valid” or that “everyone has a valid opinion,” or that “all ways are valid ways.” Yes, the Stoic does judge and compare, but always under Stoic restraint, according to reason and logic, and in alignment with Stoic logos and virtue.
“When you meet someone, ask: Does this man have wisdom, justice, temperance, courage? If not, what is there to emulate?”—Paraphrase of Epictetus, Discourses 3.1
“We must examine everything and only then proceed. For no bad man is happy, and no good man is miserable.”—Seneca, De Vita Beata 4
For the Stoic, comparison is simply calibration, nothing more. Comparison is a tool, and in our comparison toolkit we have two tools, external comparison and internal comparison. To use only one of your tools for self-improvement is foolish. If you compare only externally, you are a slave to externals, you have abandoned yourself, and you are no more than a hollow reflection of the outside world. If you compare yourself only to yourself, you are mentally and emotionally inbred, cowardly, and likely failing in both your duty to yourself and to others. The Stoic uses both, internal and external comparison and calibration—virtuously. To do anything less is to fail your Stoic duty.
“When you wake each day, ask yourself: ‘Will I be less than Socrates or Diogenes?’”—Epictetus, Discourses 4.1